Love & Relationship

Celebrate Recovery
Love & Relationship Addiction
Addicted to “Love” Characteristics

  • Lack of nurturing and attention when young
  • Feeling isolated, detached from parents and family
  • Outer facade of “having it all together” to hide internal disintegration
  • Mistake intensity for intimacy
  • Hidden Pain
  • Seek to avoid rejection and abandonment at all cost
  • Afraid to trust anyone in a relationship
  • Inner rage over lack of nurturing, early abandonment
  • Depressed
  • Highly manipulative and controlling of others
  • Perceive attraction, attachment, and sex as basic human needs, on a par with food and
    water
  • Sense of worthlessness
  • Escalating tolerance for high-risk behavior
  • Intense need to control self, others, circumstances
  • Presence of other addictive or compulsive problems
  • Insatiable appetite in area of difficulty
  • Using others alter mood or relieve pain
  • Continual questioning of values and lifestyle
  • Driven, desperate, frantic personality
  • Existence of secret “double life”
  • Refusal to acknowledge existence of problem
  • Defining out-of-control behavior as normal
  • Defining “wants” as “needs”

from page 187 of Addicted to “Love”

 

 

Romance – The Addiction Cycle

  1. OBSESSION
  • Physical or emotional “trigger”
  • Consumed by thoughts
  • Plots, plans, schemes
  • Loss of concentration
  • Judgment impaired
  1. THE HUNT
  • Driven to find relief
  • Seeks out someone or something
  • Point of no return
  1. RECRUITMENT
  • Movement to resolve pain
  • Enlistment, enticement, seduction
  • Risk

 

 

  1. GRATIFICATION
  • Object of hunt is attained
  • Other person steps into desired role
  • Thrill of conquest
  • Victimization of other party
  1. RETURN TO NORMAL
  • Feel calm, peaceful
  • Switch” turned off
  • Mood altered
  1. JUSTIFICATION
  • Pain resurfaces
  • Rationalizations
  • Depersonalization of victim
  1. BLAME
  • Focus on own neglect or abuse
  • Refuse to accept responsibility
  • Lay problem at another’s feet
  1. SHAME
  • Blaming seems inadequate
  • Horror at own actions
  • What sort of person must I be?
  • Stuff feelings
  1. DESPAIR
  • Elation-depression cycle
  • Utter despair
  • Resolve to fix what is broken
  1. PROMISES
  • “Never again,” list of promises
  • Fear of breaking promises
  • Return to start of cycle

from page 51 of Addicted to “Love”

 

 

Relationships – The Addiction Cycle

  1. OBSESSION
  • Self-focus
  • Hurts from the past
  • Feelings of abandonment
  • Negative emotional state
  1. THE HUNT
  • Looking for love in all the wrong places
  • An available victim
  • Well-rehearsed ritual of enticement
  1. RECRUITMENT
  • Tricks of the trade
  • Submissive nature
  • Mating calls

 

  1. GRATIFICATION
  • New energy
  • Solving another person’s problems
  • New attachment
  • Instant feeling of relief
  1. RETURN TO NORMAL
  • A new companion
  • Feeling of completeness
  1. JUSTIFICATION
  • I needed it
  • I deserve it
  • I had no choice
  1. BLAME
  • Usually focused on parents first
  • Spreads to others
  1. SHAME
  • Self-pity
  • Recognizes attachment to the “wrong person”
  • Self-betrayal
  1. DESPAIR
  • Feeling trapped
  • Over-responsibility
  1. PROMISES
  • “Never again!”
  • Focus returns to hurt and pain
  • Obsession re-starts addictive cycle

from page 83 of Addicted to “Love”