Addicted to “Love” Characteristics
- Lack of nurturing and attention when young
- Feeling isolated, detached from parents and family
- Outer facade of “having it all together” to hide internal disintegration
- Mistake intensity for intimacy
- Hidden Pain
- Seek to avoid rejection and abandonment at all cost
- Afraid to trust anyone in a relationship
- Inner rage over lack of nurturing, early abandonment
- Depressed
- Highly manipulative and controlling of others
- Perceive attraction, attachment, and sex as basic human needs, on a par with food and
water
- Sense of worthlessness
- Escalating tolerance for high-risk behavior
- Intense need to control self, others, circumstances
- Presence of other addictive or compulsive problems
- Insatiable appetite in area of difficulty
- Using others alter mood or relieve pain
- Continual questioning of values and lifestyle
- Driven, desperate, frantic personality
- Existence of secret “double life”
- Refusal to acknowledge existence of problem
- Defining out-of-control behavior as normal
- Defining “wants” as “needs”
from page 187 of Addicted to “Love”
Romance – The Addiction Cycle
- OBSESSION
- Physical or emotional “trigger”
- Consumed by thoughts
- Plots, plans, schemes
- Loss of concentration
- Judgment impaired
- THE HUNT
- Driven to find relief
- Seeks out someone or something
- Point of no return
- RECRUITMENT
- Movement to resolve pain
- Enlistment, enticement, seduction
- Risk
- GRATIFICATION
- Object of hunt is attained
- Other person steps into desired role
- Thrill of conquest
- Victimization of other party
- RETURN TO NORMAL
- Feel calm, peaceful
- Switch” turned off
- Mood altered
- JUSTIFICATION
- Pain resurfaces
- Rationalizations
- Depersonalization of victim
- BLAME
- Focus on own neglect or abuse
- Refuse to accept responsibility
- Lay problem at another’s feet
- SHAME
- Blaming seems inadequate
- Horror at own actions
- What sort of person must I be?
- Stuff feelings
- DESPAIR
- Elation-depression cycle
- Utter despair
- Resolve to fix what is broken
- PROMISES
- “Never again,” list of promises
- Fear of breaking promises
- Return to start of cycle
from page 51 of Addicted to “Love”
Relationships – The Addiction Cycle
- OBSESSION
- Self-focus
- Hurts from the past
- Feelings of abandonment
- Negative emotional state
- THE HUNT
- Looking for love in all the wrong places
- An available victim
- Well-rehearsed ritual of enticement
- RECRUITMENT
- Tricks of the trade
- Submissive nature
- Mating calls
- GRATIFICATION
- New energy
- Solving another person’s problems
- New attachment
- Instant feeling of relief
- RETURN TO NORMAL
- A new companion
- Feeling of completeness
- JUSTIFICATION
- I needed it
- I deserve it
- I had no choice
- BLAME
- Usually focused on parents first
- Spreads to others
- SHAME
- Self-pity
- Recognizes attachment to the “wrong person”
- Self-betrayal
- DESPAIR
- Feeling trapped
- Over-responsibility
- PROMISES
- “Never again!”
- Focus returns to hurt and pain
- Obsession re-starts addictive cycle
from page 83 of Addicted to “Love” |
