As women, sexual addiction is unique. Our behavior ranged from sex with self, phone sex, cyber sex, and pornography. We engaged in promiscuity, illicit relationships, and multiple-adultery. For some of us it was exotic dancing, escort services and prostitution. We used our bodies, intentionally dressed provocatively, and performed for others, creating an illusion that gave us a false sense of self -worth. We were addicted to the intrigue, the tease, and the forbidden. We jeopardized our relationships, jobs, morals and values; we even neglected our children. All the while, we rationalized our sexual behaviors. “What will just a little fantasy hurt”, or “what they don’t know, won’t hurt them.” As we lived a double-life, we became disconnected from reality making true intimacy with another impossible. We carried this behavior from relationship to relationship and even into our marriages.

Why? We were running; running from love; running from pain; pain from shame, self-hate, and multiple forms of abuse. We lacked self worth and feared intimacy. We tried to connect; we tried to escape. We felt abandoned. We had a need to be in control and have power over others. Spiritually, we were bankrupt.

We have learned to numb our feelings and to cope with our inadequacies by reaching out for a cure that would ultimately destroy us. This in effect defined our belief system in a way that was not in line with God’s plan for sexuality.

Sexual addiction is progressive. What starts as a little flirtation or a “curiosity”, the line we chose to cross, set us into motion for the next line we chose to cross. Ask the adulterer, ask the prostitute, ask the slave to the Internet, “when, how they started, and how it ended.” We tell ourselves that the next sexual act will be better and more lasting, but it never is.

Eventually, our behaviors resulted in losing relationships, our marriages, jobs, and material possessions and in some cases, our children. For many, the risks of sexual transmitted diseases (STD) are now a reality. And finally, we hit a bottom.

There is a void that we haven’t been able to fill with fantasy, sex or lust. We’ve asked ourselves, how we got here. Sometimes, we don’t even remember why we started acting out in the first place.

Sexual Addiction – breaking it down…

Female sexual addiction is an addiction to our sexuality using if for the wrong reason with the wrong people.

Addictive Behavior

Multiple Adultery – Illicit relationships – Sex with Self (Masturbation) – Sexual Fantasy Pornography – Promiscuity – Internet Chat rooms – Internet Cyber sex – Phone sex Exhibitionist – Exotic Dancing – Serve as an escort/prostitution – Swapping (couples) Intentional Provocative dress – Sexual Encounters/Sexual Relationships w/ women – Secrete double life – High-risk behaviors/situations

Characteristics that Fuel Behavior

Lust – Being lusted after – Control, power over others – Rebellious – Selfishness – Extreme justification – Blame game – Resentful – Revengeful – Self centered – Self-destructive – Prideful – Jealousy, female competition – Non-committal in relationships – Isolation

Core Issues

Running from love – Fear of Intimacy – False Intimacy – Lack of self worth – The need to be in control – The need to be nurtured – Rage – Self Hate – Escape – Loneliness – Shame – Fear of commitment – Spiritual Bankruptcy

Core

Sexual abuse

Emotional abuse

Verbal abuse

Physical abuse

Physical/Emotional Abandonment